


Different

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s05e23-24 Reunited, Reconciliation, Steven Universe: Diamond Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 13:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: (Had Peridoteverbeen happy? Or had Lapis sucked all of her joy into the vortex of her own terror?)An earlier iteration of her would let this question fester in her mind, and she’s tempted to do that now. But something in her tells her that if she’s serious about changing—about building a new life for herself as a Crystal Gem—then the relationship she has with Peridot has to matter more than the fear of what she might answer. She has to make it matter more. So she listens to the waves, inhales and then releases the breath, then turns to Peridot.“Were you…happy?”After re-forming, Lapis and Peridot debrief.





	Different

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching _Raising the Barn_, and this idea just popped into my head. 
> 
> I wrote it thinking about a platonic Lapis-Peridot relationship, but you can def read it as romantic if that's your thing.
> 
> In any case, I hope you enjoy!

The night after they each re-form, she and Peridot find themselves together, strolling on the Beach, getting used to the way their new forms each leave footprints in the sand. The Bismuth had explained what had happened—that the fighting had stopped abruptly because Yellow and Blue Diamonds had realized that Steven was actually Pink Diamond (“_Steven is Pink_ Diamond_!?_” Lapis had exclaimed, throwing her hands on her head. _“Oh. Right,”_ Peridot had chimed in. _“I forgot that you didn’t know.”_), and that Steven and the Crystal Gems (well, the _other_ Crystal Gems—she supposes that that’s now a label that equally applies to her) are now on their way to Homeworld _with_ the (other) Diamonds.

Steven is a Diamond. Steven is at this moment going to Homeworld _with_ the Diamonds. She herself is now a Crystal Gem, after the Crystal Gems were the ones who originally got her trapped in the mirror and stuck on Earth…if indirectly. And accidentally. As she’s eventually learning to accept.

It’s a lot to process, Lapis thinks, along with the fact that the very Gem who originally disincorporated her—allowing her to be placed in the mirror in the first place—is spontaneously _back_. And they’d fought _together_—were now somehow on the same side (though if Steven’s a Diamond now, _are_ there even sides anymore?), even if the Bismuth doesn’t seem to have any memory of her. 

But the prospect of thinking through it—_all_ of it—doesn’t seem as overwhelming as it might have once. And, in any case, it doesn’t feel like the moment’s most pressing matter. 

Her eyes shift to Peridot, pacing alongside her. She carries herself with a contentedness that Lapis doesn’t understand, and certainly doesn’t _feel_—though, then again, she always has…(at least until Lapis up and left, literally yanked the life they’d built together out of the ground.) As opposed to her own reluctance, Peridot seems to take visible pride in her status member of the Crystal Gems, adorning her new form with several star insignias like a badge of honor. Then, Peridot considered herself a member of the Crystal Gems already; it hadn’t required fighting a Diamond for her…

Or perhaps it had. Peridot used to revel with a particular flair in recounting the story of the day she disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, insulted her to her face, called her a _clod._ Perhaps that’s what it was to be a Crystal Gem; you become one the moment you manage to look your Diamond in the eye—literally or otherwise—and admit that they don’t have control over you anymore...or at least that something else mattered more. 

Lapis’s confrontation with her own Diamond had been somewhat different than Peridot’s—Blue Diamond had always exerted a different sort of control over her, a less literal one—but fear was its own type of authority, no less daunting, and it had dominated her every moment for millennia. It had taken standing in front of Blue Diamond, looking her in the eye, crying her tears, to realize that that terror no longer controlled her. Not because she wasn’t afraid—but because she wasn’t _only_ afraid. She felt other things too…and they mattered more. 

(She wasn’t _alone_. After thousands of years in the mirror, she didn’t have to be _alone_…)

“Lapis?” 

They’re standing at the pile of rubble that had once been the barn. _Their_ barn. Shards of Diamond-ship litter this part of the beach too, but it’s _this_ that seems to be the focal point: the life they used to have together, now in shambles…Peridot looks at it longingly, and Lapis tries to push away the knowledge that it was all her fault.

“Hm?” Lapis looks up.

“Do you think any of our Morps survived?”

“I…” she sighs. “No. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Peridot shrugs. “They became performance pieces.”

Lapis steals another glance at her. She seems to be speaking in earnest—Peridot _always_ seems to be speaking in earnest, or at least she _had_—but just before Lapis had left, heaving their home with her, Peridot had admitted that there had been things she hadn’t said, lies of omission and appeasement she’d told for fear of upsetting Lapis. Was this another such lie? 

(Had Peridot _ever_ been happy? Or had Lapis sucked all of her joy into the vortex of her own terror?)

An earlier iteration of her would let this question fester in her mind, and she’s tempted to do that now. But something in her tells her that if she’s serious about changing—about building a new existence for herself as a Crystal Gem—then the relationship she has with Peridot has to matter more than the fear of what she might answer. She has to make it matter more. So she listens to the waves, inhales and then releases the breath, before turning to Peridot.

“Were you…happy?”

“What do you _mean_?”

“_Before_. In the barn. In the countryside. With our corn. Were you happy?”

“Of _course_.” She hesitates. “Were you?”

“I…I think I _was_. It’s just…” A sigh. “Before I left, you said that there were a lot of things that you should’ve said, but didn’t because they would've upset me.”

Peridot sighs too, sits down on a plank of wood that had once been their front door. “Well…that’s true. You could be so volatile, and I—”

“_Volatile_?”

“No! I just meant…I know that communication is not something at which I am naturally skilled, and…I didn’t…I don’t…When I first got stranded, when I was working on stopping the Cluster with the others, I said something that really hurt Amethyst. I didn’t understand what I said, or why it hurt her…and when you and I started living together, you reminded me how I’d hurt _you_. And how many other things had hurt you. I…I liked our life together. And I cared about you. And I didn’t want to be another thing that hurt you. Again. Even if it was an accident. So it seemed safer to just…_not_…say some things.” 

“But…didn’t that hurt _you_?”

Peridot shrugs again. “If it did, that’s irrelevant.”

“It’s not, though!” The ocean wave flairs in a larger-than-usual splash as Lapis throws her hands in the air. “I care about you too! And how do you think it makes _me_ feel to know—”

“You…_care_ about me?”

Lapis softens. “Yeah.” She flies up to sit next to Peridot. “And the things that happened to me…they’ve already caused _me_ enough pain. I don’t want them hurting anyone else. Peridot, I don’t want them hurting _you_.”

“Lapis…”

“And part of it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have run away like that, and I shouldn’t have taken the barn with me. Sorry.” Her eyes flit away. “But Steven said that things could be different, when I came back…And so…if there’s ever something you want to say to me, Peridot, I want you to _say_ it. And if it hurts me, I’ll deal with it.”

“Or…we could talk about it? You’re not _alone_ anymore.”

“Right. Or we could talk about it.”

They fall into a comfortable silence. The waves crash. The moon glints off the water, off the pieces of the Diamond Ships. They’d fought here, only a day or so ago. But now all is quiet. Peaceful.

“Lapis?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad you’re back.”

And just like that, the most pressing of the weights bearing down on her dissipates like water vapor into the night air. She smiles. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


End file.
